just trying relax now...

So today I’m going to start something new. I have always cared for the people within my life. People have always come and gone in a way that from the start of my life. I don’t have any of the same friends. Yes of course, I know that this is usual. I feel as though there should be one person within my life who is still there, other than my family at least. I have always been a passionate person with anything I do, and I have never held that back when it comes to my friends. I’m starting to get the idea that when it comes to friends, it’s never really what it supposed to be. No matter how good a friend is, sooner or later you’re going to disappoint them and they will disappoint you. I have always relied on my friends to be there for me, even to tell me when I’m wrong. Most of the time, they never do. Maybe, it’s because I’m hard headed with some things, and I just need to learn from my mistakes. But I feel as thought I want my friends to know what I'm feeling about what they're doing. Everything, or most of the time I have said truthful things it has always came back to bite me in the ass. It’s not like I'm telling strangers what to do with their life. I know these people for years, then they do something totally stupid with their life. Everyone else just says, oh well its their life. But I feel as thought because I'm their actual friend so I should tell them. And it always never helps.

So as I was chatting to a pretty good friend last night about all of this in MSN. His amazing point to me was just don’t care. Don’t care about what stupid things people are doing and don’t care about shit. I know this works a lot of the times. But I feel as though it would take away from friendship. What is this person who I talk to if I don’t care and they don’t care? That’s just like a drunk conversation at a bar with a perfect stranger, it means nothing.

So I stuck between these paths of emotion. Should I just not care at all about the things that people do. Or should I be there for my friends if something good has been established between us. My whole life I have lived in the way of trying to tell people what I really feel. So I going to do the hardest thing a person can do and just try something new. I’m going to break away from my old habits and just relax. I will try to have great friendships with the people in my life, but when something I disagree with comes up, or if they're doing something stupid with their life, I'm just going to RELAX and let it go. With this new trait I'm trying to develop im sure it's going to be hard. But i figure it might be worth it. So tonight I'm going to have a dinner with her. I've no idea why she would suggested that but hope everything would be fine....