Mixed up at the moment

I’d been sad all this long. I don’t even know how to describe this feeling. Everything just seems blaming onto me even though I was struggling to be the best for everyone. Just because of one mistakes, I was always been blame but the other people who makes mistakes would be forgiven. I don’t need their forgiveness. I don’t need them to judge for what I’ve done. I don’t care who the fuck they are. I just do what I think its right. I don’t need to explain every details for what I’ve done. But these feelings keep haunting me all the time. I was always pretending that I was happy but I’m not. I am smiling but deep inside I was sad. I’d never talk to my gf about this before because I don’t want her to know how I feel now. I’m just so confused. No matter how hard it goes, I’ll keep struggling to make everything perfect.