Thursday, January 1, 2009

too many bad emotions

I just don't know what to write now. I missed a lot of things lately. I feel strange. It's kind of hard to describe, but it's almost as if I'm not myself anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm tired of the feelings I get. I'm a really nice guy, you know? But lately all I've ever been is vicious and mean to the people I love, and love me back. I don't want to be this way, but there's just something that brings the fuck out of me. I get pretty angry easily, even for the littlest things and once I'm pissed that means I'm going to treat you like complete shit. It isn't just me though. Sometimes I do have valid reasons to be angry. The thing that bothers me is the fact that I get angry and when someone asks me why, I seriously don't know what to tell them because I have no reason.

I miss my her. All the time. Every second she's not near me. I don't know if that's normal. I love her. I'm in love with her. I just feel that she deserves much better than me. I have too many issues. Whenever she can't be around me, I'm angry. I'm angry at her, at myself, at the whole damn world. I get this overwhelming feeling, and I feel intensely alone. She's the only one that makes things okay again. She makes me so happy. I wish she was here with me. I probably would be laughing right now instead of drowning in my misery. I guess she's the only one that can heal my broken heart. I'm glad to have her but when she's not around, my world turns upside down. I would tell her that, but I feel so embarassed. It's like I depend on her for happiness and I don't want it to be that way. I want to be independent and right now she's my only happiness but everything is over. It's been a week since our break up. I need to stop for awhile. Stop blogging until I finally found myself back again. I'll be back but I don't know when...

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