falling down...

stuff happens. but while some stuff goes away forever, some stays forever. you never will know when that pain will go away, but when it does its as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. but while that pain is there, it is living HELL it doesn't matter what you do even if you're happy, it will be there. even in literal terms,people move on but one will stay behind. and that one is me. if i never loose myself, i might be able to survive. but it feels as if i'm slipping off this mountain i call my life, except, i'm going backwards, instead of falling forwards into the cold waters of grief, i fall backwards not knowing what to expect, or what to hold onto.....

Letting go...

Getting rid of friends who are horrible to you is never a good feeling. Especially when you know it has to be done, even though you have shared a long past together. Some things aren't worth fixing. It's not worth fixing if the people you care about hurt you all the time and then somehow manage to turn it around onto you, if they leave you out of everything they do together, if they look annoyed when you bump into each other. It's these things that hurt the most, and then you realise they aren't your friends anymore. And I think in the long run that makes it easier to let go, because if they hurt you that much they can't have cared about you all that much to begin with.

I'm not a horrible person, I don't do bad things to make them treat me this way, they just do. It's sad, because I was always there for them when they went through bad times. Always. I have my mood swings, but so do they. They swing themselves that hard they almost rip me apart. But the keyword is almost. I'm now smart enough to know it's time to leave, and hurt enough not to care to stay. Sad but true. If you have friends like these, hear me, they aren't friends...

What would YOU do for your friend ?

What would YOU do for your friend if he/she was upset, hurt, angry, or unhappy?I ask this because wanted to know how many of you know the answer to this question. If my friend was in some kind of emotional turmoil I probably would be at a loss as to what to do. The first thing I'd think of doing was giving them a hug. But usually hugs aren't sufficient enough.So...what are some thing you'd do for a friend who was suffering from any kind of emotional pain?

invisible...

Whoever said 'love is blind' is right. You don't see me. You don't hear me. You don't even know I'm there. I want to show you I'm the one for you, but how can I do that when I'm invisible? You follow her like a lost puppy, wandering aimlessly after her. Trying to show her how great you can be. But she doesn't see, for she has the same blindness for you, as you have for me. Is that what love is? One big circle of blindness from one person to another? When you smile at her, I can feel my heart crumble underneath my skin. It's tearing me apart. When you finally notice me, I will be a pile of dirt torn apart and stomped on. But if you look closer, you'll see those foot marks are yours. How can I love the one that hurts me the most? I want to hate you, to feel that anger rise inside of me, my fists clenched. However, when I see you, my heart melts under your beautiful eyes, and my stomach clenches. But you only see her. Her and her short-shorts, not me and my t-shirts. Does popular really beat nice? Does rich really beat poor? Yes, because you just see right through me. I'd like to think fate is on my side but when has it ever been. I am invisible.

too many bad emotions

I just don't know what to write now. I missed a lot of things lately. I feel strange. It's kind of hard to describe, but it's almost as if I'm not myself anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm tired of the feelings I get. I'm a really nice guy, you know? But lately all I've ever been is vicious and mean to the people I love, and love me back. I don't want to be this way, but there's just something that brings the fuck out of me. I get pretty angry easily, even for the littlest things and once I'm pissed that means I'm going to treat you like complete shit. It isn't just me though. Sometimes I do have valid reasons to be angry. The thing that bothers me is the fact that I get angry and when someone asks me why, I seriously don't know what to tell them because I have no reason.






I miss my her. All the time. Every second she's not near me. I don't know if that's normal. I love her. I'm in love with her. I just feel that she deserves much better than me. I have too many issues. Whenever she can't be around me, I'm angry. I'm angry at her, at myself, at the whole damn world. I get this overwhelming feeling, and I feel intensely alone. She's the only one that makes things okay again. She makes me so happy. I wish she was here with me. I probably would be laughing right now instead of drowning in my misery. I guess she's the only one that can heal my broken heart. I'm glad to have her but when she's not around, my world turns upside down. I would tell her that, but I feel so embarassed. It's like I depend on her for happiness and I don't want it to be that way. I want to be independent and right now she's my only happiness but everything is over. It's been a week since our break up. I need to stop for awhile. Stop blogging until I finally found myself back again. I'll be back but I don't know when...